It Gets Better ? by Duncan Roy

An excerpt from It Gets Better?

"I have been thinking hard about America, about gays in America and how totally useless my gay brethren have been about getting things changed for themselves, politically, socially and morally.

I wrote to Peter Tatchell last summer asking his advice about how things could possibly change for gays in America..his response…from a brave, hard-hitting activist shocked me. He thought the situation depressing and hopeless.

It is. The people refuse to be seen. They refuse to leave the comfort of their den, their TV, their fast food..they refuse to hit the streets and demand a morally accountable government.

The simple fact is this: gays in America, for all the millions they spend trying to change the laws, with a ‘sympathetic’ Democratic government and a ‘change’ motivated President things have not changed one iota. Marriage/Civil Union is still a state by state privilege and not a federal right. Gays are still not welcome in the military and I have come to realize that gays are simply not welcome anywhere.

Gays are not welcome to live honest and open lives in they don’t. The gays I meet in the UK are leagues ahead in their thinking and the openness. They can depend on their government, their church, their judiciary to support them.

In a country like the USA where Christians define the moral terrain I have never lived anywhere that is so morally bankrupt. The people are routinely lied to by successive Presidents, they are gouged by the government they elect, they are continually bullied by church and state and do nothing what so ever about it.

The people are not free.

They are terrified of their government.

Unlike our students in the UK who got off their asses and demonstrated (invigorating a generation of new activists) Americans angrily run to their expensive lawyers and seek judicial review for their many and varied problems which end up taking so much time to resolve that when their cases are finally heard the fire, passion and determination has been dampened…the urge for change forgotten.

Change happens: sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly.

I despair for the gays and the liberals and the moderates in the USA."

by Duncan Roy


  1. This post really interest me. When I was 20 or so (I'm 24 now), I went to live in the UK. There I was able to get a well paying job in a Ku Bar, a well established gay bar/club.

    After working there for about a year, I returned back to the states to find out that even though I had the experience, I lacked the stereotypical look that most of these modern day gay bar owners are going for (roided out, muscle queens, that talk a bunch of bull shit about nothing, who are complete egoist, drama queens). This is a complete generalization for I am quite vain myself, but needless to say I was never given the opportunity to show my skills and/or my personality were worth bringing in a nice clientele.

    I have found that the progression in the UK and/or European gay scene exist due to a real sense of community and an open mindedness that simply is not cohesive to the American high gay society. In the land of most prominent porn industry, Winter Party (Miami), Fire Island (NY), Palm Springs, and any other circuit festival, event, or "gay" vacationing area, it is my theories that the American gays typically seem to segregate themselves and don't stand for anything rather than a "fabulous, over the top, drug induced, filled with countless rent and go-go boyz, wonderfully stereotypically, good ole time."

    The U.S. gay community for all of its accomplishments and battles still tends to be one of the most discriminating and divided communities. It is my belief that when the "A-List," "movers and shakers," etc. of this "community," stand and have a real voice and show a real sense of empathy for all of those who encompass the "gay community,", no matter how different or unique, only then will it be the beginning step in the right direction. It won't come through repealing DADT, not with allowing Civil Unions, or marriage. For it is my belief that one must love and understand themselves, before they can allow anyone else to love and understand them. We as a community must fight against the superficial, unofficial stereotypes that still plaque the community and begin to love and embrace all within the community before we can expect the "normal" middle America, ultra conservative population embrace and love us and our circumstances as a whole.


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